The Academy
by Dave Gauer, April 27, 2010 (started by Jodi K., March 28th)
"Frumpy is fun."
"Sure, frumpy is fun," Margret replied. "And so is lazy and stupid. But they certainly won't get you into the good graces of the Academy. Now take that off and try this."
Albert doffed the ragged pea-green sweater with a sigh and took the charcoal suit jacket from Margret's outstretched hand.
"Some day, I'll wear whatever I want and nobody will think less of me for it, like Professor Althaus," said Albert. He put the jacket over the white dress shirt.
"I have no doubt, dear," said Margret.
Of course, Albert knew it would be foolish to pursue Professor Althaus's incredible lifestyle. Althaus had been blessed with a childhood in Poland, Taiwan, Australia, New Zealand, Ecuador, Greece, and Samoa. He could order spicy food in sixteen languages, and he had a ferocious collection of rare animal skins adorning his walls. It was, for all intents and purposes, an untouchable monument to local eminence. For Albert, a lifestyle several notches under that of Professor Althaus would be just fine.
Margret handed a yellow tie with thin black stripes to Albert. He flipped up the shirt collar, and began tying the tie.
"Bah, I'll be happy to be done with this," said Albert. He flipped the collar down.
"You look dashing!" said Margret. "Positively dashing!"
"That's what you always say," said Albert. But he happily accepted the compliment. Margret and George, his adopted parents, had always been encouraging quick with kind words for him.
Later, they were in a hansom cab, the wheels gritting against the huge circular gravel drive around a fountain and acres of lawn. The Academy was situated deep in the forest, like an oasis of civilization in the austere wilderness. George, Margret, and Albert were squeezed into the comfortable, but small seat of the cabriolet. Albert was glad they had spent the extra coin to hire the cab. The Academy was receiving its new students, and nearly all were from affluent families in the city. Albert imagined he could actually smell the fine breeding in the assemblage of counts, dukes, heirs, and regal horses.
"We're proud of you, son," said George. It came from out of nowhere and caught Albert by surprise. He'd never heard George say anything like it before.
"Thank you, sir," said Albert.
"You'll do wonderfully here," said Margret. There was a hitch in her voice. Albert looked up, feeling the collar and tie tight on his throat. Margret's eyes were shining.
"Hut," said the driver to the horse. They pulled to a stop in front of the Academy. It was quiet in the cab. No one spoke for a moment.
"Well, I guess we'd better get you inside," said Margret. She wiped her eyes and rose from the bench seat.
George and Albert on either side of her got up and stepped out. Margret followed George out of the cab. Albert circled around to the other side. He saw George helping Margret down from the cab. He was struck by how much the couple had aged in the time he'd known them. Margret's movements were ginger and slow. George clasped her hand with reverent love. Albert had never really noticed until then just how gray George's head had become. It had happened so slowly, hair-by-hair, that he had been oblivious to it.
As they walked up the steps to the open double-doors of the Academy and were engulfed by the stream of students and parents, Albert was overcome with emotion. He said something to George and Margret he'd never before allowed himself to say. It caught in his throat and he said it too quietly to hear.
"What is that, dear?" Margret asked. She was looking intently forward, down the broad hallway.
"I said, 'thank you Mom and Dad,'" Albert said, audible this time.
He felt George pause beside him and he stopped. Margret stopped too. They stood still in the midst of the commotion on the broad step. Margret put her small gloved hand to her mouth, but the corners of her eyes turned up and her eyebrows creased and tears rolled down her cheeks. George smiled broadly, his crooked teeth showing, and his eyes glistened. He was the first to speak.
"Oh Albert, son. Oh, son," said George. He had always called Albert 'son', but never with such meaning. Albert, sensing the brittle moment he had caused, flung out his hands. Margret and George leaned towards him and he pulled them both into a hug. When had they grown so small? he wondered.
Later, Albert was alone in his new room at the Academy. He sat on the edge of his new bed and looked at his suitcases. These would be his belongings for the years to follow, he knew. The pristine white walls of the room behind him were barren of decoration or blemish. Someday, he surmised, he would cover them with posters and pictures. Perhaps he would put up slogans or photos of new friends. For now, he felt both as empty and as full of possibility as his walls.
In front of him was another bed and another set of blank walls. He would have a roommate, he knew. As he contemplated living with a stranger, he grew nervous and he felt himself perspire.
There was a knock on the door. Then it opened. Albert stood. Another boy his age opened the door and walked inside. He had sandy hair and a thread-bare suit and tie. The boy paused for a second to look at Albert. Then he came into the room, pulling two suitcases after him.
"Hello," the boy said. He stuck his hand out. "My name is Joshua."
"I'm Albert." They shook hands. Then Albert gestured towards the other bed, "I guess this is yours."
"Okay," said Joshua. He smiled and hoisted both of his suitcases on top of the other bed. The bed creaked under the weight.
They unpacked and talked for a while. Joshua was from a poor family. His tuition was being paid by a sponsor. When he finished at the Academy, he would work in the sponsor's business for six years before becoming a free agent. They both had a fondness for animals, and neither had done exceptionally well in school.
Albert had found himself considerably relaxed by the time the bell rang, signaling dinner time. The boys left their new room and joined the throng of students making their way to the dinner hall in the main administrative building.
The hall was enormous, easily the single largest room Albert had ever been in. He paused in the entryway to look up at the elegant post-and-beam ceiling far above. Joshua gave him a gentle nudge to keep him moving. Before them were some fifty huge round dinner tables, each ringed by a dozen chairs. Albert and Joshua found an empty one and sat together. Bread and water were already served, and the boys ate the bread as they watched the rest of the boys and girls file in and find seats. The sound of so many students filled the hall with an incredible din.
The rest of the table filled with other students, each saying their hellos. Finally, everyone in the great hall was seated. The talking continued for several minutes. Then there came a ringing sound from somewhere near the center of the hall. The hall gradually grew quiet as if it were controlled by a single volume knob being slowly turned down.
"Hello, students!" said a loud voice. All eyes turned towards the center of the hall. Albert craned his neck to see the speaker but could see nothing over the other heads.
"Welcome to the-" The voice stopped. There was a murmuring and then, "Ah yes, thank you, Professor Camus." There was a gentle grunt of effort, and then a head rose above the crowd. It was an old, bearded gentleman with round glasses and thick, wavy gray hair.
"There we are. Now you can all see me. I suppose I'm now speaking from the proverbial soap box. Actually, what is this, Camus?"
"Oranges," said a barely audible voice.
"So, I'm speaking from an orange crate tonight to welcome you all to the Academy. My name is Professor Green. I'm sure you're all hungry after your journey here, so we'll begin serving dinner now while I speak."
Three double doors opened on the far walls of the hall and waiters bearing silver domed trays poured forth. There were an incredible number of servers. In fact, there was one for each student, Albert realized. Each placed a domed tray in front of a student and then stood, with hands at sides, slightly behind and adjacent to the student's chair, waiting.
As with the others, a server with white-gloved hands placed a tray in front of Albert. He looked up, but the waiter only stared forward and did not look back. Albert looked at his tray. The silver dome reflected his face squeezed into a tight cylinder and upside-down. The reflection of the waiter behind him was only a thin stripe of white shirt and black tuxedo. From the tray came a smell he could not identify. It was earthy and coppery, but it definitely smelled like food. He looked forward to finding out what rare delicacy awaited beneath. Surely it was something delicious.
"Smells weird, huh?" whispered Joshua. He smiled conspiratorially.
"Yeah," said Albert.
"I bet it's boar or venison," whispered a girl at the table. She had short dark hair and wore a very proper blue dress with white lace at the collar.
"No," said a large boy with a round face and light hair cut so short he appeared nearly bald. "I've had those. I don't know what this is. Maybe squid?"
"No, it's not that," said another girl with a little laugh. "It smells like-"
"Now you all have tonight's main course in front of you," said Professor Green. The hall grew silent again.
"I would just like to say a few words before we begin," he said. "As you already know, the Academy is a place of great learning. Once you leave these grand old walls, your view of the world will have changed dramatically. However, do not think that because we are an old and prestigious place of learning, we are not overjoyed to receive you as you are: young and full of new ideas. I assure you, we value your young minds most highly!" Professor Green turned slowly and gave the whole hall a smile.
"Now, let the dinner begin!" he called.
All at once and in one swift motion, the tuxedo-clad servers leaned over and pulled the silver domes from the trays. There was a singular drawing of breath from the students.
Before Albert, as before each of the students was a giant insect. At first, it looked tapered like a trilobite. But as its many legs unfolded, it resembled nothing Albert had ever seen. The thing lurched forward and Albert tried to jump to his feet. A firm pair of hands clamped on his shoulders and forced him back into his chair.
Everything was becoming a confused jumble. The screams were deafening. He couldn't see the waiter above him, but the hands were like wood clamps, painfully strong. He could feel his bones and muscle grinding in his shoulders. Then there was a sharp pain in his forearm and he saw the insect-thing pulling itself across the table toward him with sharp claws. It had a sectioned mouth that moved about like a lobster, feeling its way as it went. It paused at the blood on his arm where its claw had pierced his skin. Albert could not tell if it had any eyes. Like the silver dome it had lay under, the insect-thing was shiny. Albert could see an oily, multicolored version of himself in its reflection.
As he watched the thing claw a bloody path up his arm, he was only dimly aware of Joshua screaming beside him. He saw the others at the table as mirrors of himself: defenseless, locked in place by the white-gloved silent servers, and being painfully scaled by the scrabbling, clawing horrors.
Joshua was the first at the table to succumb. Albert heard a crunching sound and Joshua's voice was removed from the chorus of deafening screams in the hall. Albert tried to turn his head to see what had happened, but his own insect-thing had reached his head. It latched itself to his scalp with a pair of claws and pulled itself up, over his face. Tiny spines scraped him painfully as the body passed.
The earthy smell was overpowering. He was paralyzed with terror, but the painful grip on his shoulders only grew stronger. He felt and heard a crack as loud as a gunshot in his head. It was followed by an intense pain. He lost his vision for a bit. When it came back for just a moment, all he could see were claws and spines and his own blood pouring down like rain from a gutter.
Albert could tell the thing had cracked his skull. The pain was overpowering. A feeling of cold, disconnected numbness overtook him. His vision left him again and he felt himself drifting away, like a ship that had broken its moorings in a storm. He welcomed the oblivion as it softened the pain, melting it away.
This is what it's like to die, he thought. This isn't so bad.
You are not yet dead, came a thought-voice. It was so strong that it filled his mind completely.
What was that, he wondered. Where had the voice come from?
It is I, said the voice. It was loud without having any volume at all. It existed not as a sound, but as a pure thought. Though he could understand it, it was the most alien thing he could imagine.
I have eaten only half of your brain. I will spare the other half, if I can, it said.
Oh God, it's the insect-thing, Albert thought.
Yes, I am in your skull now. The others have done likewise and all but a few of you are dead. We do not have much time. You must trust me. Let me attempt to give you sight again.
There was a strange flickering feeling, like small electrical shocks. Then the blackness was replaced by a blur of light. Albert could not make any sense of the picture.
Wait a moment.
The picture began to sharpen. Albert realized that he was able to see again, though only out of his left eye. The light became detail: the bright white portion was the white table cloth. He had fallen forward and his head was resting on the table. Across the expanse of white cloth, he was facing the bloody ruined top of Joshua's head. As he watched, Joshua's scalp moved and a piece of his skull shifted into a new position. Unable to move or make a sound, Albert could only stare in silent, unblinking horror.
I am sorry about your friend. There are some of us who feel that our takeover of your species is wrong.
I want to wake up from this nightmare, thought Albert. He was not sure how much more he could stand.
I will be making your body move soon. Please attempt to relax. I will try to do you no further harm.
Albert's eye did not blink and his head did not turn. He could do nothing but stare at Joshua's bloody head. It lay still and did not move again.
This is the doing of the Academy, he thought. I think this is really happening. We've all been taken over by these things. Am I mad or will I have to share my mind with this insect forever? Where are George and Margret, my parents?
I believe they are fine, but I do not know, said the voice.
I don't even know your name, insect-thing, thought Albert.
I was to be called Albert, said the voice. It almost sounded amused. I do not have another name.
I'll call you Skullraper, thought Albert.
Please do not, said the voice. We are getting up now.
As in a dream, Albert saw himself rise from the table. He felt nothing but a faint tingling sensation from somewhere far, far away. Through his eye, he saw the others get up as well. Everyone in the hall was shuffling about, stretching limbs, looking around. Blood was everywhere. All of them had bloody hair, faces, necks, and clothing. The white table cloths were splattered with red.
Incredibly, Professor Green still stood on the orange crate in the center of the dinner hall. He looked about, grinning happily.
This is all part of the plan, thought Albert. We were doomed as soon as we came in this room.
Yes, the voice spoke calmly. And the plan is further along than you could imagine. In a year, we'll have taken over the planet completely, unless those few of us who wish to resist can stop it. I will need your help and have thus spared half of your delicious brain. Will you be able to forgive me for what I have done and help save your people?
It was the longest continuous thing the voice had said to him. The duration and intensity of the thought was so strong that it was several moments before Albert could think clearly.
Will I ever be able to use my own body again? wondered Albert.
Perhaps in time, a little bit.
I will help you, thought Albert. But only once I've got a name to call you.
Call me Crumpli.
Hungarian for potato? mused Albert. Why?
That's what we ate before tonight. Hungarian potatoes and sheep's brains.
Okay, then, Crumpli, thought Albert. I will help you. Now use my body to save the human race!